For Eva (and eva and eva and eva)

Dearest Eva Weva Diva

(I hope you enjoy my attempt at a 'street talk/text talk' pun on your name in the title of this post - you always teased me about my refusal to shorten words when sending you messages. I've still got your number in my phone and it will never leave.)

As I typed that bracketed bit, what struck me is it being in past tense. Obviously it would be - two years ago today you closed your eyes - but I guess I still think of you as very firmly in the present and it's so odd to be reminded that you're not. Except, as I wrote last year, of course you are - in all the leopard print I noticed when I went to Camden the other day, in every Rhianna song I catch on the radio, and in every time I laugh at something only you would find funny too.

I'll be at camp when this goes up, as I was when you passed away, and though I won't have anyone with whom to share my thoughts of you I can assure you that they will be there. Just like our secret, signed, conversations I'll stare up to the starry sky and smile - a moment of silent thanks for having known and loved you, and for having been known and loved by you in return. We have a song we sing around the campfire called 'Friends are Nothing', the final verse of which is as follows,

Friends are nothing

'til they've parted together

with a tear in their eye,

as they wave their friends goodbye,

and they swear to meet again someday...

Now, I'm not sure that we'll meet again in the literal sense, as that isn't really what I believe. The almost oxymoron of 'parted together' is something I can hang on to, though, because I do feel as though we are apart and yet always together. So thanks. I feel you here even as I miss you. I hope you feel me somehow - perhaps our atoms are mingling.

Love you foreva and eva, darling Eva,

Jessi xxx