First thoughts on Warwick (for the second time around)

Today's post is brought to you (sans sponsorship, of course!) courtesy of the cosiness of what was always one of my favourite Student Union outlets - our very own vintage tea shop, Curiositea. So I suppose I should start here. It's as gorgeous as I remember, with a few additions that have only made it more welcoming, like the stickering of a table at the front for priority access by people with disabilities (photographic evidence below). Huge thanks to Warwick Enable (the disability society, which had only just started when I left) and the SU for this subtle but significant change - no more awkward bumping into tables for me! As I sit here on a Tuesday afternoon, staring out at the rain and sipping on a mint hot chocolate (some things never change!), I know I'll be whiling away just as many hours in this manner over the course of my PhD as I did as an undergraduate. All that's missing are the friends I used to share it with - especially my intellectual twin and fellow JP, Jade Passfield - but lots of you are back, so let's chill here soon, please?

The theme of newfound (and new-created) accessibility pretty much sums up my experience of returning so far. The central area of campus has been hugely revamped and, whilst that is rather confusing because I thought I knew my way around (as my friend Lily put on Facebook last night, where do you get a bus!?), it is mostly proving to be a good thing. The dropped curbs can legitmately be called dropped curbs (a rarity in this largely non-wheely world!), it's far less crowded on pavements than it used to be, and there's a proper double and automatic door on the grocery shop, probably because it's no longer Costcutter and has recently been taken under SU ownership. So, aside from the fact that I nearly couldn't collect my student card last week because the lift up to the Panorama Room was broken and I had to send my dear Mama to beg, I'm pretty impressed.

And that's before I've even had departmental inductions. Eep!

Which reminds me, I'm now officially a doctoral student, though how exactly that happened I'm not sure. I still feel like a baby fresher...but this year's actual baby freshers were born in 1997. WHAT!?

On that somewhat sobering thought, I'll sign off - because, however old I feel, it's really good to be back. I've missed you, Universitas Warwicensis. Here's to the next three or so years, eh?

Hello and apologies for the hiatus

Having not posted for a (rather long) while, today I want to say two things - I'm still here, and I'm very sorry for having been away. It's not that there haven't been things I've wanted to write about - far from it, and the post about camp will surface soon! - but that, through a mixture of circumstances, I've had to limit my time on web-based social media over the last month and a bit.

This is partly due to mere practicalities. For instance, we've made frequent trips up to Warwick in preparation for the new term, which involves staying somewhere that doesn't currently have any kind of internet access, let alone wifi, and that's meant I've missed the opportunity to send lots of people messages on their actual birthdays (sorry!) or even missed messages I've been sent completely. I'm working on the extensive backlog I've managed to accrue.

It's also because I don't think I quite realised how much I've been on the go for the past two (or more) years until I got a proper break. So, like the dreadfully slow pages of Internet Explorer that we all loved to hate in days of yore, I just needed to take some time to refresh.

That isn't meant to be an excuse or a sob story. Not at all - in fact, in many ways, this summer has been the easiest and most comfortable in about a decade. As I'll write about more explicitly and emphatically in my upcoming (and long time coming!) post on camp, I almost feel as though my body is going backwards in a very positive way, and rediscovering some of the freedom and ability it had this time ten years ago. So plans I had for socialising and reconnecting have most definitely not been scuppered by pain this time around - or at least not nearly as much as they used to be - and I have been able to catch up with a considerable number of very lovely people. Just not quite as many as I would've liked!

I just needed to give myself some space and time to take stock - and I'm very, very, very sorry that, in some respects, it has made me a rather neglectful friend over the summer. I'm happy that that seems likely to change from here on in.

As this date marks the start of my first Warwick adventure (five years ago!) and because tomorrow marks the official start of my new one, I thought it was serendipitous to rejoin the world of blogging today, buoyed by a combination of excitement and disbelief. I'll endeavour to keep it up from now on, along with being a more engaged friend and person in general.

I'll let you know how that goes.

Much love to friends old and new. Sincere thanks for being in my life.

Jx

Laughter for Levi

You will notice this post isn't about this year's camp yet (that is still coming!) though it's related. In 2014 Pathfinders fell in this week, so it is in remembrance of the night we spent at Woodlarks, waiting for updates on our dear friend Levi and then holding each other through the tears that came with the news of her passing. Whilst I am overwhelmed with disbelief that it was a year ago today already, as we were at her absence last week, however, I have attempted to make this day as full of laughter as I possibly could - because that's what she would want. She'd probably just laugh watching me crying, actually, and then shout and tell me off until I stopped. 

Laughter was definitely much more her style, so we tried that at camp, too. Laughter in the loos, in the pool, in the tent, in the woods. Laughter when mattresses squeaked and it sounded like something else, laughter when it was something else. Laughter at the dinner table, around the campfire, and at the sinks when we were supposedly washing up but in reality were having a water fight. Laughter as we did circus skills and the spinning plate landed on my head - multiple times. Even laughter as we went to find a suitable spot for the gorgeous memorial bear our friend Emma had organised (I'll try and find a photo somewhere soon) because Nori very appropriately blasted out some JLS on her phone. Then we laughed because we'd started crying, and we knew what she'd think of that - as I am doing now, writing this.

So, lovely Levi:

I hope you don't mind those mingled tears, gorgeous girl, since they were the same as those we both cried as I walked to you for a hug -  overwhelming joy tinged with the subtlest of sadnesses. I hope you felt you were with us, and I hope you know that you always will be, in the stone teddy that now bears your name (forgive me the pun, dear, but I thought you might like it) and in our hearts. I hope you know we miss you, a year on, and I hope we did you proud.

I'll light a candle tonight. Love you always - thank you for the laughter and memories xxxx

Friends are nothing 'til they've grinned together...

Doggy mummy worries

A proper post is coming soon, I promise, and hopefully the one about camp. Today, though, I have a brief one about hospital visits and anaesthetic...not for me, but for my (littlest) dog. Georgi hurt her paw whilst we were away, so we took her into the vet this afternoon, and it turned out to be an abscess. In order for them to drain it they had to put her under general anaesthetic. She's fine now, if feeling a tad sorry for herself, as you'll see from the photo below. I, however, have gained an understanding of my Mama's feelings every time she's had to watch me go under and then wait for me to come around. So thanks, Mama, for looking after me (and my dogs) when I need you most - I appreciate it, and you, so much.

Returning home

A short (and sleepy) post to mark my return from camp. Sleepy because it's only ten to seven as I start to write this and I could quite happily go to bed right now! Short because I probably will do just that very soon and I want to save the majority of my thoughts until I can do them justice. However, I also want briefly to acknowledge what is, for me, one of the most striking aspects of camp.

The significance of the title I've chosen is twofold - for, whilst it fits with the fact that I'm now back home in London, it would be equally apposite as a description for the beginning of my holiday. Going  to camp each year is synonymous with going home - going home to my favourite place in the UK, and perhaps even in the world. Returning to the fold of my Woodlarks (and, more specifically now, Pathfinders) family - a constant yet ever-changing and -growing circle of people and love. So, although I'll be extremely happy to snuggle up in my nice, warm (indoor!) bed tonight at a reasonable hour, I'll also be missing the late night (early morning!?) chats with fabulous friends - some of whom I've known for over a decade and others I only met this week but will hang on to for life.

More detailed and less philosophical words soon but I'm already counting the months, weeks and days until we can be there again!

For Eva (and eva and eva and eva)

Dearest Eva Weva Diva

(I hope you enjoy my attempt at a 'street talk/text talk' pun on your name in the title of this post - you always teased me about my refusal to shorten words when sending you messages. I've still got your number in my phone and it will never leave.)

As I typed that bracketed bit, what struck me is it being in past tense. Obviously it would be - two years ago today you closed your eyes - but I guess I still think of you as very firmly in the present and it's so odd to be reminded that you're not. Except, as I wrote last year, of course you are - in all the leopard print I noticed when I went to Camden the other day, in every Rhianna song I catch on the radio, and in every time I laugh at something only you would find funny too.

I'll be at camp when this goes up, as I was when you passed away, and though I won't have anyone with whom to share my thoughts of you I can assure you that they will be there. Just like our secret, signed, conversations I'll stare up to the starry sky and smile - a moment of silent thanks for having known and loved you, and for having been known and loved by you in return. We have a song we sing around the campfire called 'Friends are Nothing', the final verse of which is as follows,

Friends are nothing

'til they've parted together

with a tear in their eye,

as they wave their friends goodbye,

and they swear to meet again someday...

Now, I'm not sure that we'll meet again in the literal sense, as that isn't really what I believe. The almost oxymoron of 'parted together' is something I can hang on to, though, because I do feel as though we are apart and yet always together. So thanks. I feel you here even as I miss you. I hope you feel me somehow - perhaps our atoms are mingling.

Love you foreva and eva, darling Eva,

Jessi xxx

#Wheelchairperks no. 2

(A less sarcastic one, this time, I promise - and it's on a Monday to balance out the rest of the week as there'll be a post on Wednesday.)

When you realise that, in three (or four) years, you'll have the same title as the majority of the medical professionals involved in your life - and that thought fills you with glee and confidence. Bring on the doctorate!

(Due to this post falling on this Monday, I must add a very happy birthday to my aunt Lucy! Much love to you in SA)