Hello my lovely readers
This week's #WordyandWheelyWednesdays entry, on getting some perspective on my recent resurgence of physical pain, has multiple impetuses.
1) The increased presence of the pain itself, of course, due in no small part to my body tightening as it tries to rid itself of the last vestiges of this infection. That on its own would not lead to a change in my thoughts about my pain, though. Far from it; suddenly having this intense level of pain back in my life after several good months has been overwhelming, not least because it has meant I've had to take a break from training. In fact, at times, I've panicked that I'm going back downhill. Exactly the opposite of rational objectivity! So the reining in of all this emotion has had to arrive from external rather than internal sources, namely:
2) The recent events in Charlottesville, along with the continuing global difficulties that arise from hatred and oppression of all kinds. The strength and compassion exhibited in response to it is hugely inspiring, because if these positive and hopeful emotions can prevail in such high-stakes situations then I can definitely do the same whilst dealing with my comparatively small issue around physical pain. I say that not to belittle or downplay my pain, since it really has been hard and scary and it's important to acknowledge that, but I do find it helpful and comforting to remember its relativity.
3) Visits with friends who I haven't caught up with for a long time, even years. The last couple of weeks have brought with them chances to meet up with lots of people after a fair while - and all have commented on how (positively) different I seem.
4) Facebook memories coming up with the photo below which, conveniently, is both a literal and metaphorical example of perspective. It shows me sitting in the chair attached to the zipwire or aerial runway at camp, looking down over the green valley stretching out beneath me, and grinning. It was taken in 2010, during my penultimate year of Explorers - and that means I was still experiencing a huge amount of pain, far more than I am right now with the onslaught of spasms brought on by this infection. I was beginning to find my way out of the dark depths that I'd hit in 2008, true, but I was nowhere near the relief and comfort I've been blessed with in recent months. A million miles away from the 100m walk I'll be completing in September.
If I could not only go on the aerial runway in 2010, but grin whilst doing so, then these few spasmy moments are just bumps in the road. Sure, they're sore, and have an inappropriate sense of timing - but they could also be an important reminder of how far I've zoomed. Perhaps I was getting complacent in my physical comfort; perhaps I needed a push to propel me into this final near fortnight before Parallel London. Or maybe I just needed to remember that I can still go on the aerial runway at camp, pain or no pain, curvature or no curvature, because my body has only got better since I last did.
On that note, as I sign off, I should say that there won't be a post next week as I'll be in the woods without wifi! I can promise to make up for it on my return though...!
Back soon, gone camping,
Jx
1) The increased presence of the pain itself, of course, due in no small part to my body tightening as it tries to rid itself of the last vestiges of this infection. That on its own would not lead to a change in my thoughts about my pain, though. Far from it; suddenly having this intense level of pain back in my life after several good months has been overwhelming, not least because it has meant I've had to take a break from training. In fact, at times, I've panicked that I'm going back downhill. Exactly the opposite of rational objectivity! So the reining in of all this emotion has had to arrive from external rather than internal sources, namely:
2) The recent events in Charlottesville, along with the continuing global difficulties that arise from hatred and oppression of all kinds. The strength and compassion exhibited in response to it is hugely inspiring, because if these positive and hopeful emotions can prevail in such high-stakes situations then I can definitely do the same whilst dealing with my comparatively small issue around physical pain. I say that not to belittle or downplay my pain, since it really has been hard and scary and it's important to acknowledge that, but I do find it helpful and comforting to remember its relativity.
3) Visits with friends who I haven't caught up with for a long time, even years. The last couple of weeks have brought with them chances to meet up with lots of people after a fair while - and all have commented on how (positively) different I seem.
4) Facebook memories coming up with the photo below which, conveniently, is both a literal and metaphorical example of perspective. It shows me sitting in the chair attached to the zipwire or aerial runway at camp, looking down over the green valley stretching out beneath me, and grinning. It was taken in 2010, during my penultimate year of Explorers - and that means I was still experiencing a huge amount of pain, far more than I am right now with the onslaught of spasms brought on by this infection. I was beginning to find my way out of the dark depths that I'd hit in 2008, true, but I was nowhere near the relief and comfort I've been blessed with in recent months. A million miles away from the 100m walk I'll be completing in September.
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| Photo Credit: Mouse-Alice Barnes 2010 |
If I could not only go on the aerial runway in 2010, but grin whilst doing so, then these few spasmy moments are just bumps in the road. Sure, they're sore, and have an inappropriate sense of timing - but they could also be an important reminder of how far I've zoomed. Perhaps I was getting complacent in my physical comfort; perhaps I needed a push to propel me into this final near fortnight before Parallel London. Or maybe I just needed to remember that I can still go on the aerial runway at camp, pain or no pain, curvature or no curvature, because my body has only got better since I last did.
On that note, as I sign off, I should say that there won't be a post next week as I'll be in the woods without wifi! I can promise to make up for it on my return though...!
Back soon, gone camping,
Jx
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