In many ways this couldn't be a more different post to last week's - where the tone of that was upbeat, this might be construed as sombre. That said, they're both about navigating the nuances of life with disability; and, in any case, this post needs to be written.
On Saturday, I received the news that another dear friend had died. This time, it was Shane (or Martop, as we called him) who is probably best described as the resident joker - but really a massive softy - of our close-knit class at Treloar. I, along with the rest of our group, couldn't (and still can't) believe it. Although within a community like ours we are far too intimately acquainted with death, and exist with perpetual tenterhooks at the back of our minds, it is still a shock - and especially in this case as Shane was always such a fighter and had come through so many times before. I have been feeling absolutely desperate, not just with my own grief but in thinking about my friends, who had extra years at school and college with him after I left. I wish we could all be together right now instead of spread across the country, and that our next reunion did not have to be at a funeral. If you are reading this, aside from my private messages, I want you to know that I am here for you just as you are for me.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, this latest instance of grief has brought up all of my previous losses as well, and so I have spent the last few days engaged in various levels of self-care in an effort to process the fact that they now number 13. Although of course I am allowing myself to sit with the feelings and not pressure or judge myself too much, I have also wanted to find something productive into which I might channel my emotions. Given my recent physical improvements, I have decided to capitalise on them and do an event in memory of all my special people - not least because our connections were often sport or outdoors related. I wasn't quite ready to go public about this, but Shane's passing has reminded me that we can't afford to waste a moment, so here it is.
I am going to walk 100 metres with the support of a walking-frame (not the one pictured) in September to commemorate all of my special people, and raise money for Starlight whilst doing so, because they are responsible for getting me through my roughest patches and reminding me that I have both the strength and the responsibility to keep going. The event is called Parallel London and you can read about it here: https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/Parrott-Does-Parallel
I apologise if this isn't the most eloquent post. It is heartfelt, and it's feeling easier at the moment to translate emotion into motion than words. Thank you for reading as always.
Love and tight hugs until next week
Jxxx
No comments:
Post a Comment