Hello my lovely readers!
Tonight's #WordyandWheelyWednesdays entry is exactly the kind of post that I originally started this blog to write. This is because it sits at the intersection of my thesis (the 'Wordy' aspect) and my disability (the 'Wheely' aspect) and ponders on the significance of both to my daily life.
As my recent big deadline was comprised mostly of a Literature Review, I have spent a great deal of time over the last months reading about issues surrounding disability and employment. These include the place of disability in debates about diversity and Equal Opportunities and the ways in which legislation and practice do (or, more often, do not) coalesce to support such inclusion. One of the most prominent arguments for diversity in general is known as the 'business case', which aims to emphasise the financial benefits of increasing the parameters of workforce makeup. This is not so easily applied to disability, since there is often extra cost involved in adaptations that frequently only assist a particular employee.
Whilst there are many counter-theories, based (rightly, in my opinion) on the idea that diversity and representation are moral issues and should be extraneous to any business decision, the 'business case' remains prevalent. This has consequences for employees with disabilities, particularly in an economic climate characterised by significant cuts to schemes like Access to Work and the closure of the Independent Living Fund, on which many people (and I!) depend(ed) to live productive lives.
As a result, the subject matter made the reading extremely triggering for me, and I felt myself slipping into a depressive episode. This was neither helpful nor feasible with a massive deadline looming, so I knew I at least had to do everything in my power to contain it, and the only thing I could legitimately place alongside my work was music. Cue me blasting my go-to track as loudly as would still enable me to concentrate.
This go-to track is 'Holes', by Layla (hence this post's title). Technically I believe it's about a breakup, but to me it's a really helpful analogy for Depression. The first verse and chorus are as follows:
I got locked inside a sadness,
I got lost inside my head,
couldn't find the light to make me glow.
All the routes they led to nowhere,
crusted into high-rise lines,
and the screaming cars felt like a blow.
But I will fight,
bolder than before, bluer than the sky.
I will fight, beyond all the barriers they set down.
'Cause I have covered over all the holes,
and I'm ready, I'm ready for it now.
The keen, regular readers among you may recognise elements of the second line, due to a sneaky reference I made to it in my first #SeasonalSonnets entry in December, but the really significant line for me listening to it this time round was the third, which emphasises moving 'beyond all the barriers they set down'. I really needed this reminder whilst writing my Literature Review, because this is essentially the aim of my thesis - to explore the ways to surmount the barriers surrounding the theatre industry and employment for actors with disabilities. It was also a much-needed nudge for me on a personal level, because it made me think about just how far I have come in my own recovery, both physically and in relation to my mental health. I definitely haven't 'covered over all the holes' (I'm actually finding new ones I wasn't aware of pretty much every day), but I am very much on the way there.
I need to remember this and be proud of what I have done so far. I thought some of you might appreciate the opportunity to do that too, so I have linked the video below. Hope you find as much solace in it as I have done.
Love and solidarity
Jx
Tonight's #WordyandWheelyWednesdays entry is exactly the kind of post that I originally started this blog to write. This is because it sits at the intersection of my thesis (the 'Wordy' aspect) and my disability (the 'Wheely' aspect) and ponders on the significance of both to my daily life.
As my recent big deadline was comprised mostly of a Literature Review, I have spent a great deal of time over the last months reading about issues surrounding disability and employment. These include the place of disability in debates about diversity and Equal Opportunities and the ways in which legislation and practice do (or, more often, do not) coalesce to support such inclusion. One of the most prominent arguments for diversity in general is known as the 'business case', which aims to emphasise the financial benefits of increasing the parameters of workforce makeup. This is not so easily applied to disability, since there is often extra cost involved in adaptations that frequently only assist a particular employee.
Whilst there are many counter-theories, based (rightly, in my opinion) on the idea that diversity and representation are moral issues and should be extraneous to any business decision, the 'business case' remains prevalent. This has consequences for employees with disabilities, particularly in an economic climate characterised by significant cuts to schemes like Access to Work and the closure of the Independent Living Fund, on which many people (and I!) depend(ed) to live productive lives.
As a result, the subject matter made the reading extremely triggering for me, and I felt myself slipping into a depressive episode. This was neither helpful nor feasible with a massive deadline looming, so I knew I at least had to do everything in my power to contain it, and the only thing I could legitimately place alongside my work was music. Cue me blasting my go-to track as loudly as would still enable me to concentrate.
This go-to track is 'Holes', by Layla (hence this post's title). Technically I believe it's about a breakup, but to me it's a really helpful analogy for Depression. The first verse and chorus are as follows:
I got locked inside a sadness,
I got lost inside my head,
couldn't find the light to make me glow.
All the routes they led to nowhere,
crusted into high-rise lines,
and the screaming cars felt like a blow.
But I will fight,
bolder than before, bluer than the sky.
I will fight, beyond all the barriers they set down.
'Cause I have covered over all the holes,
and I'm ready, I'm ready for it now.
The keen, regular readers among you may recognise elements of the second line, due to a sneaky reference I made to it in my first #SeasonalSonnets entry in December, but the really significant line for me listening to it this time round was the third, which emphasises moving 'beyond all the barriers they set down'. I really needed this reminder whilst writing my Literature Review, because this is essentially the aim of my thesis - to explore the ways to surmount the barriers surrounding the theatre industry and employment for actors with disabilities. It was also a much-needed nudge for me on a personal level, because it made me think about just how far I have come in my own recovery, both physically and in relation to my mental health. I definitely haven't 'covered over all the holes' (I'm actually finding new ones I wasn't aware of pretty much every day), but I am very much on the way there.
I need to remember this and be proud of what I have done so far. I thought some of you might appreciate the opportunity to do that too, so I have linked the video below. Hope you find as much solace in it as I have done.
Love and solidarity
Jx
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