#WordyandWheelyWednesdays: Fast

Hello my lovely readers!

The title of tonight's entry is 'fast', and that's what this post will be, partly because I'm having a rather busy time at home so am cramming this between other things. However, it's also because there has been so much happening, both physically and academically, that I keep thinking 'ooh, this would make a good update!' only for it to be swept away on a tide of other exciting events or epiphanies.

That's not to say I'm not keeping track - it's merely an acknowledgement that they will probably always be of greater significance to me than to any of you. It's also not to say I won't be sharing things, but rather that I want to be a little more circumspect in what I do share. I have a tendency to get very excited about 'small' things, because, to me (in my wordy, wheely world) the delights are in the details. Nevertheless, I am aware that my physical particularities mean that things which feel huge to me may seem minute to others. Moreover, I know that the more time I spend writing about things that occur, the more likely I am to miss something occurring.

Writing is my lifeline (and livelihood!) and I shall continue it forever, if I am gifted that possibility. For a variety of reasons, though, in recent weeks (both now I am at home and beforehand, towards the end of term) I have been reminded of the joy to be found in actively participating as well as observing, and I am keen to expand on that experience.

So, with that in mind (and in the hopes that this little waffle has even made vague sense), I shall wish you love until next week.

Jx

#WordyandWheelyWednesdays: A Week Off

Hello my lovely readers!

Content Note for the incident in Westminster

Today's #WordyandWheelyWednesdays entry is just a little note to say I'm taking a week off from proper posting to spend time with family and cuddle my dogs. 

There has been an incident in Westminster this afternoon and, whilst I know that no single event is more or less worthy of thought than another (after all, things like this happen in the Middle East with regularity, and the reporting leaves much to be desired), I've found that it being in London (my home city) has triggered quite a few emotions for me - because, the last time something similar happened, I was a teenager at boarding school and desperately trying to contact my loved ones over telephone networks that were jammed with the sheer volume of traffic.

I also don't think, in the circumstances, anyone will particularly relish a self-indulgent rambling update on my academic and physical progress.

Love until next week, then, and to my London friends - please be sensible and stay safe.

Jx

#WordyandWheelyWednesdays: A Wordy Whim

Hello my lovely readers!

Tonight's #WordyandWheelyWednesdays entry is something a little different from my usual posts, although it does combine both the Wordy and Wheely elements of this blog and my personality.

Anyone who spends even just a little amount of time with me will probably glean that I love poetry - reading, but especially writing, it. Actually, even if you go just a few posts back, you can verify that for yourself. You'll probably also be aware that this hobby, alongside my PhD, means that I spend quite a bit of time on a screen, just as I am now, to write this post.

So, in an effort to remedy this a little, I've been on the hunt for some years now for an alternative piece of technology - because, though I can write well with a pen or a pencil, and enjoy it very much, it gets tiring.

Imagine my delight, then, when a lovely little vintage shop in Leamington (Berylune, self-termed 'a pint-sized department store') advertised a typewriter. The independent company have been open since 2012, when I was in second year, and I've followed them ever since in the hopes of getting my very own portable gem. As of last Wednesday, that dream came true, and I couldn't be happier - because not only is it perfect, it's fab for physio!

Here's to typing...and to my fully-fledged hipster transformation! Hehe. Huge thanks to Berylune and love to all of you until next week!

Jx

 

#WordyandWheelyWednesdays: Working Woman

Hello my lovely readers!

As today is International Women's Day, I had planned to write a post about that - especially due to the labour-focused element of the day's origins in the Garment Workers' march, because my thesis currently has me immersed in issues surrounding disability and employment. These are particularly pertinent to remember in the context of recent suggestions by MPs that it should be acceptable for workers with disability to be paid less than the minimum wage, supposedly to increase our possibility of employment and allow us 'the dignity of work'.

Ironically, though, I haven't had the time to write that post because I've been too busy with work, of various different kinds. So I want instead to express my gratitude for the people who have made it possible for me to do that, from the previous generations of women and non-binary people with disabilities who fought (and still fight) for employment equality; to the wonderful PAs that I have; and the two women with whom I've been lucky enough to spend most of this week - my inspirational mother and maternal grandmother.

Also, a reminder that feminism is about equality - and International Men's Day is 19th November.

Love until I return properly next week.

Jx

#WordyandWheelyWednesdays: Dear Fifteen-Year-Old Me

Hello my lovely readers!

Today's #WordyandWheelyWednesdays entry is a narrative poem for Eating Disorders Awareness Week.

A Content Note for those not here from social media: food, eating, eating disorders, PTSD, abuse

The inspiration was found in the survival instincts of a precariously-placed daffodil, by my car door (picture below). The courage to post it was found through a friend's brave example on Monday night. I've not written about most of this online before, so if you're still reading, thanks - it means a lot. Also, if you're in the UK and you or someone you know needs help, visit https://www.b-eat.co.uk/

Dear Fifteen-Year-Old Me

I’m writing this from twenty-five

to tell you certainly,

a decade on, we’re still alive –

and fin’lly feeling free.

The metre marks the wheel tracks

we’ve left, trundling along,

to let you know I’ve got your back

and am singing out our song.

I’m sending you the strength to cope

with everything at school –

a beam across the years, in hope

you’ll feel less ‘a fool’.

To clarify, for lifts and things,

you NEVER were too heavy!

Our standing is a gift we bring;

our legs are strong and steady.

I know she told you otherwise,

to keep you in your place,

but the real issue with your size?

You took too little space.

I know you hoped, by cutting food,

that you would disappear –

the only way you thought you could

escape the pain and fear.

So, gradually, your portions

got more and more controlled –

unlike your raw emotions,

which our body had to hold.

Then he decided you could be

his brand new protégée

and promised disability

did not scare him away.

He led you on, the others too,

he made you feel safe

and then he ripped that trust in two,

and threw it in your face.

He leveraged his authority,

used it for his own tack –

so, as a matter of fact, did she,

not thinking of its impact.

But let me now remind you,

they pounced upon your panic,

and there was nothing you could do

to alter that dynamic.

Of course you wanted to be small,

and keep yourself well-hid;

‘cause the crucial point about it all

was that we were just a kid.

Yet we have travelled far, since then,

and so much time has passed,

that I can tell you, soon, again

we’ll love our self at last.

It’s taken all the years between

to get us to this point,

for the pain that started as a teen

was nestled in our joints.

It took the place of spoken words

you could not shout aloud

in knowledge that you’d not be heard

beyond the secret shroud.

But now we’ve had the chance to talk,

about what’s in our chest,

we’re shedding the traumatic chalk

for some much-needed rest.

We still have many miles to go,

and several hills to climb,

but now I let our body know

that anxiety is fine

and so no longer is it stuck

in physicality,

but we can wade through all the muck

to find ability.

Though I still battle demons

at meals every day

there are now many reasons

that tell me we should stay.

I don’t know where we’ll zoom to next,

but I’m glad our paths once crossed,

and I promise to try and protect

us both from further cost.